


Who is she??

by Kireiakimomo



Series: Daylight Night Life [1]
Category: No Fandom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-06-11 09:01:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 3,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19532623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kireiakimomo/pseuds/Kireiakimomo





	1. Chapter 1

Long gone is the soft moonlight that cast such a sweet glow in these lonely pale green walls. The small chirps of birds and the creak of the mattress from my slow movement not wanting to wake the rest of my sleeping family. Tired Tired Tired. More often than not that is how I feel during the day. I can't stand to be alone for too long or I cave in from every thought I have kept to myself. It's still pretty difficult to look at myself and be accepting of my destroyed body. Remembering how I got to the point I am at now is beyond painful to me to reminisce over. It's a pain. I'm so disgusting. I don't even understand why people want to be friends with me. 

will finish later


	2. An Angel's Rebirth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I got the inspiration mainly while listening to ミカヅキBIGWAVE - Dance With Me -> https://youtu.be/2PYMapdELqg

Start 0:40

when there is a baby who was born fall  
the mother will wonder if she gave all  
and when the time comes no one was there to say  
the words that she needed to be heard that day

The baby will grow into a little girl  
she will wonder more about the unknown world  
and when she grows up the sadder truth will stay  
until she leaves home to find and make her way

she found a man she thought would be her all  
she let him have his way and he let her fall  
she gave him her everything from body and time  
she let him brand her with the claim of mine

She couldn't get out shackled to the floor  
he promised her he would truly give her more  
she sat and waited only feeling unsure  
the longer she stayed the more pain was ensured

Was falling in a mistake that she should have never had?  
did you want her? You lied to her? You hurt her  
W h y?

The man didn't love her the same way she did  
oh what a mistake she ran away and hid  
the tears she was holding finally were shed  
her heart though so broken there's still light ahead

The woman took off without thought or plan  
with a leap a faith in doing what she can  
in her hands a dream a baby of her own  
in the end, she knows she will be all alone

though she was the baby who was born fall  
her mother had wondered if she gave all  
and when the time came no one was there to say  
we live through an endless cycle every day

One day if we make it with a miracle  
and read all the stories of a world so cold  
then one day the angel can take to the sky  
she'll wipe all the tears the baby soon would cry

Now given a place and time that this will pass  
Even the hard diamonds can still break like glass  
The angel moves forward beautiful divine  
Eyes of shining stars her heart remains so kind

who will be the baby who will have it all  
her mother will know she gave her best her all  
and within her story on the final page  
The birth of an angel on the grandest stage


	3. Better than this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to HoneyWorks『やっぱ最強！-N.mix-／LIP×LIP(CV.内山昂輝・島﨑信長)』 and being fueled on emotion I just sat down and wrote  
> https://youtu.be/BfWVzIZtdnQ

Though sure enough, the time has changed just as I  
Even though right now it means I am alone  
If I were to see what I can become  
Would you tell me that I'm better than this

I know I make mistakes on a daily basis  
No need to point them out or make excuses  
If you don't want me here just ignore my existence

It's hard to carry this, these mixed emotions  
when no one really wants to hear me scream them out  
no no no, id rather hold everything no one should know

It's getting harder true happiness farther  
How can I be so stupid wishing I was smarter  
My heart has cried out only to be silenced  
It's been some time since I cried

Though sure enough, the time has changed just as I  
Even though right now it means I'm still alone  
If I were to see what I would become  
Would you tell me that I'm better than this

What happens to me if I struggle to find  
All the reasons to live and not just to die  
If I were to see who I would become  
Would she tell me that I'm better than this  
Please tell me that I'm better than this

Why is it hard to leave when there are around others  
Why do I have the fear of being just alone  
no no no, that's something anyone can use against me

It's getting harder now to know who's good for me  
I'm far too nice but I want to believe in them  
please say no I wish knowing who is good was that easy

Don't call out my name it only drives me insane  
Just because you claim to be some who might know me  
It doesn't me you know everything about me  
It's better if you leave me be now go on

Though sure enough, the time has changed just as I  
Even though right now it means that I'm still alone  
If you were to see what I might become  
Would you tell me that I'm better than this

I know living like this is not good for me  
No one understands it and no one can decree  
If I were to dream of what I'll become  
I can only hope I'm better than this  
so when I awake I'm better than this

Please tell me, I'm better  
I'm tired burning and hurting now  
Please tell me, that I'm not here on my own

Though sure enough, the time has changed just as I  
does that mean that I'm destined to be alone

Now I cry yes I cry tears of my freedom  
Fulling showing myself for all to know  
in the fire of emotions I light  
I know that I've become better than this 

From the blossom, I bloom the sun over me  
Though my eyes are still closed don't cover me  
I know you all are here it's so hard to believe  
When I open my eyes I'm better than this  
The girl that I was I no longer miss


	4. Bullshit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The waste of space that one can take up is annoying and time-consuming

What exactly would be the purpose of having someone else with you?  
What is the benefit you get out of each other? Mutual?  
It's a hope that wishing on any star can give but the reality of it makes sure that logic comes into play.  
What use do you get out of the other? Not very much but the little comfort that buries you like the dirt on a grave.  
What is the reason you are willing to stay rather than go to another?  
The fear of being alone again shouldn't matter more than the actual thought of feeling alive.  
Are you willing to see another side of what hasn't come? I can't tell you what may happen. you had more faith in a star than me.  
What are you willing to give in this heart of yours? Nothing or everything? There's rarely an in-between. You and I both know that.  
What of it? If you give nothing you'll be ok but if you give everything it hurts more when it's over.

Will finnish later


	5. Truly Loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My feelings about the wonderful people that have stuck around me through the years  
> This was while listening to 【MV】ファンサ／mona(CV：夏川椎菜)【HoneyWorks】  
> https://youtu.be/lzyDD8bMDKs

If were I someone else would you  
love me, all the same, would you  
care for my well being even if it means I've given up on me

Every day you wait for me to open the door  
Though you look unsure when I say I'm fine let's go.  
Even in my face, you can see the trouble there  
Because I seem too serious when you know that I'm a goof

I know it's hard looking at me with a mask on my head  
Since others don't see it you look down at your thread  
The one on your pinky that's connected to mine  
you look at me and sigh

(Hear me out!)

You ask me what I said, nothing  
You ask me once again, nothing  
I know you care so much but for me it something very overwhelming  
You ask me one more time, something  
You see it all the time, help me  
I'm still so scared to say that I don't want to be alone again

stay by my side till then

No I won't admit that I'm little hard to read  
You won't let me go even when I want to leave  
All the things you know are things no one else will see  
Anywhere I go you wish you were next to me

I know it's hard seeing I still have the mask on my head  
With a frown on your face, you look down at your thread  
The one on your pinky that's connected to mine  
you look at me and sigh

(Listen up!)

You ask me what I said, nothing  
You ask me once again, nothing  
I know you care so much but for me it something very overwhelming  
You ask me one more time, something  
You knew it all this time, help me  
I'm still so scared to say that I don't want to be alone again

stay by my side till then

oh god This thread we share it pulls at us but I ignore the burn  
You step out from were you stood amongst the group and you held onto me and said three words to me

(I'll help you)

I know it's hard seeing I still have the mask on my head  
tears rolling down your face, I look down at your thread  
The one on your pinky that's connected to mine  
I look at you and smile

Can you be truly loved? You are  
Do you believe my words? Darling  
I want the best for you I'm telling the truth even if you don't believe me.  
You always heard me cry, help me  
A truth I won't deny, Love me  
Even if you and I go separate ways there's L O V E

You ask me what I said, love you  
I say it once again, love you  
I love you oh so much but for me to say it out loud is still embarrassing  
You hold me one more time, darling  
You say it all the time, lovely  
Even though I'm still scared I know that I won't ever be alone again

together til the end


	6. I'm Satisfied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I honestly love the song Satisfied from Hamilton. I actually cried singing the song myself so here is my renditon of it  
> hikey unfinnished

Who will be the groom  
who's the bride  
with the sister who's right there on her side  
A reunion on the hope that he'd provide  
Said I'd always be satisfied

This time  
This time  
This time  
hopeless  
tell me  
tell me  
This time  
I remember those nights I still do  
This time  
I remember those nights I still do  
This time  
I remember those nights  
I remember those

I remember those nights I still do regret those nights on the best of days  
I remember those other boys who would flirt with me but I cut to the case  
I regret those time of dreamless nights puzzle piece that I can't quite place  
But god that fucker  
I could never forget the first time he showed your face

Surely thought he would be plain  
A shy little smile on a perfect sweet face  
and when he said hi my heart shot into space  
This was not the place, need a change of pace, then came my mistake

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

(You look cute a beauty that can not be described)  
I'm sure that not how I should be, I hate myself  
(Same with me, its hard to be satisfied)  
I'm alright

You've never been satisfied/(I havent been satisfied)

My point is I work harder  
(Why do you take extra shifts?)  
So I can get things done  
(But your hurting so lessen the job and have some fun, I will wait, I can wait)

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stop STOP STOP  
So this what it feels like to be loved by someone else

Red flags shot up striaght into sight ignore em right?  
The coversations lasted some hours and some minutes  
(this oof central idk piece)

Not much of a flit was the first with a chance  
I asked to be his girlfriend and what the answer?  
The fool said yes to my mess of a dance  
He's working it taking my heart in advance

Quite cute tries not to show it  
peach fuzz and man does he grow it  
I wanna see him go all over the place until truth slapped me in my face that it's  
pointless  
and I knew this was  
pointless  
loved his lies this was  
pointless  
then I realized those simple little things took time away from my life

\----------------------------  
(You know I love you)  
I'd love you till the end of my life  
(I'll love you till the end of mine)  
\----------------------------  
Now come on

I'm the one who told you that I'm a busy girl dont give me shit  
I'm the first born child and I am the example for the shit  
as the oldest, pitiless, top one on don't do that dumb shit the fuck up list  
you said you loved me before the bliss HA and I was dumb enough to fall for it

Get a clue

He wanted me beacsue at the time I was young and would decide  
that I would chose become to be naive maybe that was why  
I let this word called love just blind me until I find  
That maybe all who cared were right and thats where my heart divides

(Hey are you ok?)  
(I swear you are the love of my life)  
I'll just get through it

Get a grip

I love my sister and I won't leave her behind  
I will never find anyone worth trusting while I'm kind  
When I told you that I loved you took your heart you destroyed mine  
wasted time  
I said I'm fine when I'm FUCKING DYING

but when I go to close my eyes  
my happiness subsides  
those stupid wishes rise this wouldn't be if I hadn't tried  
to give my feelings  
he had two just before he was mine  
my heart hurts but I have to resign 

Who's the groom  
I'm the bride  
with my sister who was always by my side  
no reunion  
and my love for him has died  
I'm sure he'll always be satisfied

Though I know that one day I'll be a bride  
but I know  
heart is heavy pushed to the side happy behind the tears I cry


	7. Outcome Unknown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was inspired to make this one due to many breakdowns I've had this year and the concerns of a friend of mine. I was listening to Double Lariat sung by Megurine Luka while doing this.

To Live To Die the Outcome Unknown  
How unfortunate for the heart that wanted to know  
To stand To fall to cry out and call  
Since no one understands her she built up a wall

It's a lot harder to open her mouth to say hello  
The happy girl she once was is long gone  
Not sure of the last time she sounded sincere when she spoke  
Those around her stand and just play along. It's wrong

Oh hello  
the voice comes out unsure  
Yes it's been a while since you've heard it as she smiles slow  
Oh hello  
the voice so pitiful  
It almost feels so forced out when she is shattered on her own

To Live To Die the Outcome Unknown  
How unfortunate for the heart that wanted to know  
To stand To fall to cry out and call  
Since no one understands her she built up a wall

The cuts upon her wrists are getting wider every day  
Nobody knows she sings the saddest songs  
The melody that walks upon her fingers as she plays  
Inside she fills her emptiness with grey, stay strong

So it goes  
She struggles to this day  
She's bleeding as Beastlike emotions eat her heart away  
oh hello  
the voice returns again  
the pain of just how teasing that happy voice is as she holds the bloody blade

To Live To Die the Outcome Unknown  
How unfortunate for the heart that wanted to know  
To stand To fall to cry out and call  
Since no one understands her she built up a wall

Show up shut up  
the noise is so loud  
even by herself, she won't want to hear a sound  
move on give up  
She won't care since she's letting go

To love To Hate what change would it make  
What her mind couldn't handle her heart had to break  
More give less take that was her mistake  
tears fresh like the sea rush out to escape

To Live To Die the Outcome Unknown  
How unfortunate for the heart that wanted to know  
To stand To fall to cry out and call  
Since no one understands her she built up a wall

You Live then Die between you must grow  
It's not something special because anyone would know  
Look up from your past you've given your all  
In the end, the screen still says Outcome Unknown


	8. Lovely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this one on July 15th but in a notebook

How lovely we are as children.  
So small knowing little of the world around us  
Youth is such a feeble thing and so easy to take away quickly  
Dress as you are told to  
They say //you are so lovely// in public but they don't know what happens at home.  
The lovely child they knew grows up to be toxic to themselves.  
No god can save your child that you as the parent have damned  
The teen growing into a melting adult  
So scared of being loved that their lives are used as chips in gambling  
Being toxic only leads to more waste but they would rather stay unwanted  
How Lovely


	9. Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this one also on July 15th but in the same notebook

I need it more than anything.  
It will always satisfy my thirst.  
That very same thing can burn so comfortably on my skin.  
So clear my reflection ripples across the small waves.  
So cold yet refreshing  
When careful it can be tamed but the same goes for a person.  
So beautiful and yet so dangerous.  
Feels nice to dip your head under the surface in contrast to the fear when forced to stay under being cradled in the arms of the waves  
Water is very interesting.  
It has it's own beauty even when it's used to take a life.


	10. One Beat One Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspo from Nine in the Afternoon  
> WIP

Back on a beat as I began  
looking for good in all I can  
Still not doing too good

Thinking of things I wouldn't read  
Things have all changed from misery  
Looking in diamonds and pearls

Walk to a beat no one can stand  
Waltz in a room as others grab your hand

Run past the stars and jump the moon  
wait for the day or the night will come too soon  
in the dark, it's hard to see

Yea I knew that I could knew that you would  
but I know what your feeling too

One beat one step to you  
Let it take your heart so you'll move  
The tears in your eyes are like dew

stars light up the room, yet you glow like the moon

One beat one step to you  
Let it take your heart so you'll move  
The tears in your eyes are like dew

stars light up the room

Back on the beat time to retreat  
Don't know reasons you chose to see me  
Is there help you may need?

Lost in the space where we should have stayed  
man it's so rough to constantly change  
Now you see what I see

Ran off the beat, locked in a room, knowing you do everything you can  
knowing I've everything I can

One beat one step to you  
Let it take your heart so you'll move  
The tears in your eyes are like dew

stars light up the room, yet you glow like the moon

One beat one step to you  
Let it take your heart so you'll move  
The tears in your eyes are like dew

stars light up the room, yet you glow like the moon

One beat one step to you  
Let it take your heart so you'll move  
The tears in your eyes are like dew

stars light up the room, yet you glow like the moon

One beat one step to you


	11. One more lovely story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired from Chika Takami's One Mor Sunshine Story

Goodmorning sun, the day begins  
it's time to wake up get up get ready  
We'll wake up, so happy kay?  
The day has just begun

Good to see you, how do you do?  
You're doing OK great that's amazing  
Get ready the day's not done enjoy the warming sun

The light will fade through the day  
the clouds will change white to grey  
are you ready for the change that's coming  
(_____) 

One more story one more lovely story  
how could it not be so sweet  
I know that it on crazy ride  
How wonderful  
I wonder what we'll see  
Across the sea


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by DotEXE - Run Away From Me  
> https://youtu.be/PFH1aEjKfjE

Who am I who can I be  
What am I what do you see?  
Run away from me

I don't understand what it is I see  
I make it hard for you to see the "real" me  
get away quickly you must run away from me

I'm unstable and I might cause trouble  
Mental destruction is a constant thing me  
I'm so sorry but I dont want to hurt you  
get away quickly you must run away from me


	13. Tired days

Thick white sweater in hot weather. It's not ideal but I could care less. My face becoming more sensitive to every day things like lotion and the sunlight. It's a constant pain to thin that I can brush those things off. I'm changing for better or worse in some aspects. A strong fear of others has worsened but a growing confidence is clashing with it. It's pretty stupid but I don't know what to do. I'm constantly alone. I don't go out and spend my free time with others. I take long drives without a set destination. I hate being alone more than anything but I can't change it. Being the light of a room full of people and dim as a dying firefly in my own. Maybe one day I'll find someone who will be my light. I don't want to be a burden to them. Maybe being alone would be the best option. To lay in my own shadow and share my troubles with her. I'm sure she'll be tired of my ramblings of things insignificant to her. There's no harm done to me for that but I wouldn't get an answer talking to myself in a daydream now would I? Surely enough I would plunge further into the insanity I have tried to free myself from. Things won't change just because I don't like being alone. No they will only worsen if I push to far. I'll crash just to get up and thrust myself into an eternal hell of selfish desires. I'm far to kind to the point where I am misused to often. Looked down on because I don't understand what others do the way they do or explain things with unnecessary and extravagant detail. Even being happy all the time is harder than it looks. To smile and take on others emotions and warp them into my own makes everyday so difficult. A mask would be the best way to describe it. There are times where I am genuinely happy but most of the time I'm beyond exhausted mentally. Everything has to be rehearsed in my head before I follow through with how the day will go and if anything changes then adapt to the new situation. I deal with things based on the atmosphere.


End file.
